Lately, I have been finding it
difficult to articulate my thoughts with the clarity in which they arrive. (This is a surprising deal to me because,
usually, I am able to play around with the broken structure of the flow of
words and puzzles of my mind). Perhaps
the aesthetics of their phrases are meant to stay un-sketched as a thought and
not scribed for later visual perception.
One thing is clear, and that is the reflecting capability that they
offer.
Year thirteen of this new
millennium has composed some interesting reflections among many – for some it
was a good year, full of life-changing events that propose much bliss in the
future. For others it was a challenging
year, full of disillusions and obstacles that are yet to be overcome. For many, it was the year of turning points
and realizations; of new beginnings and sudden ends. And, although some may wish it to be over in
hopes of new beginnings, it is no secret that the change toward this new bliss
begins with the awareness that it is up to us to make this transition become a
reality.
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I am a firm believer that “things in life happen for a reason”. Sometimes, these reasons come as naturally as time, and they arrive unexpectedly and
in a surprising manner. The recent
city-wide black-out, caused by the late winter storm, made me question and
analyze my current values and my learned beliefs…
There I was, sitting in the
darkness of my cold apartment, (trying to reconnect with the voice of reason
that once brought me peace in the moments of most need). What I heard offered
me some sound advice but in a language still un-deciphered. As I attempt to understand what it is that
was just heard, there is a sudden struggle between the beauty of the silence
that surrounds me and the depressive ideals that betray my calmness - all in
remembrance of the beauty that came and discarded my hopes without a shadow of
a trace. There was left a feeling of
emptiness that could not be filled by the lack of air that embraced my cold,
deflated lungs. Suddenly, 2013 was a bad
year.
In my balcony, as I looked out to
the darkness, I was able to conclude that I am not alone; there are others who
have gone through something similar, if not worse. We could all sit alone in our self-made darkness
or seek the light within us.
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It is easy to forget what truly
matters when you are feeling conflicted.
When you are being forced to come out of your comfort zone, it is how
you react in that moment that will decide the short fate of your near-future,
but it will certainly not label the path you are destined to follow.
What is important is to know the
difference between your wants and
your needs; to be true to yourself as
you follow the code of their guidance, and to also realize that this is a very
fine line that evolves with time as you go through life-changing
experiences. These experiences, though
harsh at times, help you to comprehend what truly matters and what can be taken
at face value. You may not be granted
the wishes that you hoped for, but in the end, you have your health and you
have your life and the love of those that truly care for you – that, alone, is
wealth enough, (the kind of wealth that we often take for granted).
If expectations were set high at
the very beginning and the bars were not met quite like you had hoped, it is
not because someone is desiring your deterioration, nor is it because of some
‘supernatural being’ that is trying to test your faith, (unless you fancy a
religious/spiritual recourse to make sense of your situations), but it is
perhaps just because the experience, (however long or short-lived), is meant to
be a lesson that you need to learn.
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Once I was able to learn to put
my pride to the side, I began to notice that I was richer than my self-inflicted
misery led me to believe. Though the
idea of love was robbed of me, it is certain that my ability to love cannot be
taken, nor my ideals for affection, as a hopeless romantic.
This year, I have loved and I
have been loved. I have hated and I have
been hated. I have hurt and I have been
hurt. I have laughed and I have been
laughed at. I have ridiculed and I have
been ridiculed. I have experienced. I have shed tears. I have cursed. I have dreamed. I have lost sleep. I have fallen, but I have also risen back
up. And although life did not grant me
what I wished for this year, it certainly left me with enough breath of
gratefulness and just enough to look forward to – my moment of reflection.
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There is something to be said
about this year, and whether it’s good or bad, one thing is for sure: Be
grateful for the memories because they will carry you forward in the year to
come.
To all my friends and
acquaintances: Thank you for being you –
for helping me when I needed the most help, for challenging me to move on, for
stressing and frustrating me out and showing me another side of my self. In the goods and bads, the ups and downs,
life is only easy because it is not – and it is only when we realize this that
we are able to attain something that is more cherished than a moment in time.
Good luck to all in the new year,
and live prosperously with the experiences that are to come.
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