The Chase

Sling swings of a summer fling that in time diffuses and boils into the soil - oh, but the chase was worth the tears, the frustrations, and the fears of never living it down.

But gather this, my obscene realization, that once obtained it is taken for granted.

The smiles, the joys; when one would have run miles and miles, it is then gone with the wind, and the chase is no more.

The honeymooners last a few decades, the frustrated breathe eternal.

But what do I tell those whose blinded faith engaged them so soon when they lied: "I just knew"?  My point becomes senseless as their chase was not discontinued.

Flaggerdust!

Back to the start of my equation.

You will never find another Me

You will certainly move on, and in doing so, you will find someone new who makes you happy (because life definitely goes on).  But you will never find another one like me.

No, you will never find another one like me, who showed you unconditional affection, who worked hard to entertain your soul, who made sure to maintain a smile on your face, and who recognized your fears and tried to show you the path of your way.

No, you will never find another one like me, who did not mind putting forth more effort to try to make things work, who loved you for what lies beneath your skin, who saw past your pretty face.

No, you will never find another one like me, who cherished the treasures of your thoughts, who encouraged you to think outside the box, who loved the every word that escaped your randomness.

No, you will never find another one like me, who put up with your white lies, who embraced your lost cause, who loved you more than what seemed unfair.

You will certainly move on with someone new, who will understand you and who will love you.  But you will never find another one like me, who loved you of mind, body, and soul.

From the words of a woman:

"Never trust a girl who has more guy friends than girl friends.  Even less if one of her best friends is a man, (it is highly likely that there is a history between them)."


Amen.

The drive by coincidence

Last evening I saw you drive by - your car carried you and a passenger by your side.
Needless to say, I should have felt rage that it was him who accompanied you, but instead, (and oddly enough), I felt a sigh of relief.


I'm happy that you've moved on.
Maybe he can convince you to stay in ways that I could not.

The place where it all began

I parked by the doorway of the coffee shop where it all began.

My mind, infused with the memories of that early summer day, felt the incommodities of not knowing what and how to feel.  In reminiscent times, the acquaintance proved fruitful - even I, who no longer believed in "love at first sight" became infatuated by the idea of tasting her lips as we walked through the greens of a nearby park.  And I knew of her more than I thought to know her; and vice-versa.

But the interest scripted the story, which has now come in full circle.  Three times of trials and error were amplified once more by sudden realizations.  And so, the acquaintances who gave in to lust and hopeless ideals, now became stranger than strangers; forgotten in the distance that seems so close and yet so far; forgetting the breaths of one another's existence.

So I am parked here again, standing in front of the doorway of the coffee shop where it all began...

"One medium ice-cap, please."

Rain, Rain, DON'T go away!

Oh rain that drips above my shelter;

Soothing, calming;

Adding tranquility to the serenity of my way.

Oh drops that trickle down my veins;

Exposing, nurturing;

Caressing the mood of this gloomy day.

How rapid was your instinct to read the matters of my mind,

How unnerving was your unearthing and the thoughts you could find;

How slow was your reaction to avoid the shell of my bones;

How you revealed the treasures once forgotten and turned into stone.

Oh rain that came, oh rain that went;

Your quick temper tickles my pain.

Oh rain that carries a wind of repent;

Your short visit will fade with the plains.

Random Conversation 2

The memory of her became tainted by the unveiling of recent truths.
The passion, the affection, the connection - all shrouded by the bitterness of visible lies and the realization that I was played for a fool.


"But you knew there was something there that was not quite right."
True, but I thought it may just have been something my mind conjured due to the need for proof of trust...
"You mean, due to the paranoia that had you believe it was too good to be true?"
NEVER! I've given her all the benefit of the doubt!
"In your own way, perhaps.  But they did not perceive it that way, I presume?"
Yes...but it was given nonetheless!
"So why were they not confronted?"
I saw her in his arms, and she had posted the images purposefully.  And then I saw the other wearing half his clothes and his hands on her ass!
"Oh? And what did these two say?"
That nothing happened really...I was overreacting.
"Bullshit!"
I know!  And she dared to challenge my questioning, claiming I was a fool for not trusting her!
"Nobody with respect for their own relationship would stay up past dawn partying in another continent with a complete stranger who keeps his hands all over her drunken body!"
Exactly my point.  Even if she told him that she was seeing me, we both knew that something happened that night!
"I hear ya.  And what about this last one? What did she do?"
Well what can I tell you.  It started too well that it made me uncomfortable.  And how was I to prove it when she made sure to keep the photos of him hidden from me?
"So how did you find out?"
He wrote to her often and I read it all - but she could deny contact with him whenever I'd ask.
"I see...well burn them all in the hell of your past!"
I intend to.  And so now, when I see the memory of us, I can't help but feel that my time with her was truly wasted.
"A double edge sword!  You learned a lot from this."
Truly speaking, if there's no trust there's no relationship!
"We both know that."
As did they.  I told her that I dislike being lied to.  She said the same goes for her...
"She lied."
Oh only constantly!
"Well, you're better off!"
My mind definitely agrees.  My heart, on the other hand, still feels for her...
"Love?"
Hell no!  What it feels is betrayal!
"Understandably so.  But let Karma deal with her."
She'll get what she deserves?
"I promise you, she will."

Considering the Possibilities...

It is said that in order to better understand oneself, man must travel - whether it is as far away as another continent, or as close as the next neighbouring city.  So I travelled.  And through my travel experiences I learned that the grass is not always greener on the other side.  The pastures of our own backyard can be just as lively and just as healthy, if and when the proper time and care is taken to cultivate what has already been taken for granted.
But prior to learning of this truth, I simply pondered: Why do people feel a need to travel?  My answer came in the form of puzzles that I gathered in time and watched as it took shape to reveal its colourful intent.
People often want to leave their home and venture into the unknown with the hopes of filling a void that is only present as a result of some form of personal neglect.  This form of neglect comes from within - so it is easy to pretend that nothing in the homeland satisfies and; therefore, it is meant to be found elsewhere in the distance. In most circumstances, it is a sense of unhappiness that triggers this desire to test the will of self on stranger lands.
This concept above lead me to break free from the sheltered world I lived in.  And I travelled far away from all comforts; learning, and learning again.  Not only did I learn to appreciate my homeland for the wonderful possibilities that it has to offer, (thus realizing the fact that I had taken many things for granted), but also, through my journey, I learned to discover the essence of self.
I'm glad that I did it and, in a way, I'm glad that I'm not alone on this.
So to answer my previous ponder, I feel as though it is, at times, necessary to take this 'escape route' (as some would call it) when nothing else will satisfy.  Just as important, it is necessary to distance oneself from all comforts and test the will to strive for success in an unknown land where unfamiliar experiences are unavoidable.
Returning to where the heart beats the happiest taught me to appreciate the life I can now lead.  I am fully aware of the various possibilities that are presenting themselves and I am even more aware of my self, (my weaknesses, my strengths, and my abilities to make the right and wrong decisions).

But Change being constant and desires always addressing the needs and wants of all individuals makes it (somewhat) difficult to maintain this sense of awakening.  Sometimes, external factors, such as society's structure or personal matters, have a way of testing this old sense of alertness, causing discomfort within.
Though in my mind and heart I once felt a sense of emptiness and I fed them with my explorations "down-under", I feel as though the sense of fulfilment is being tested yet again as time progresses.
So now I am, once more, considering the possibilities.  The possibilities of integrating myself into something that is somewhat unknown, and somewhat distant - because, technically speaking, I would not really be leaving this "home and native land."
To the East lies a new source of inspiration, and I am taking into consideration exploring what it has to offer my new curiosities.  There's always room for growth.

When I was daydreaming of Summer

Air flare glooming, heat strokes blooming,

Fire in the eyes and contemplations booming;

Sunshine, daisies, bottom mellows,

Wet sunglasses, holy yellows:

Music zooming, air sprays looting,

Canines drooling, quick dips cooling;

Summer loving, sweating, eating;

Healthy body, resting, running;

All smiling – I am king:

Loving the fresh air that embraces me deep.

Water waves take me to a land full of daydreams;

Reminiscent of the old ways with a smile on my face.

Birds chirping, glaring, gliding above;

Fish nets floating, catching, glowing;

Summer loving, feasting, drinking;

Tearing for the sun to cool my being.

Quick dips, feet run away;

The body stays still against the wall coming forth.

Children playing, kites for chasing;

Walks, rehearsing, reversing their downplay;

A quick tour of what’s coming;

Summer dreaming, summer loving.

"The eyes are the windows to the Soul," she said.

She said she saw sadness in my eyes...I wondered  how she was able to read past my smiling image.  It was as if the photograph that she examined was too easily deciphered; not omitting the sense of emptiness that I was feeling upon its capture.
And my words, she read them like an autobiography that unearthed most secrets kept within my mind.  I wondered, "how else am I betraying my essence of mystery?"
She said there would be no way of countering this explanation; she said she had gotten a glimpse of my soul. And here I wondered why this stranger did not make me uncomfortable, nor did I feel the urge to hide behind the blanket of inexplicable vagueness that idles the mind to succumb to the acceptance of confusion.
She made me question it.
Now I stare at my eyes, waiting for a glimpse of my Soul to speak to me.