They met after some time to catch
up on the news of their happenings since the break-up. It was strangest to him because he had loved
her so much. He only wondered why it was
that she returned when, originally, it was her decision to leave his heart in
the dark.
Together, they made up for the
loss. Words were intertwined as much as
their bodies, which lingered about, retracing each others’ contours as if they
were lost treasures found once more.
It felt good. It felt comfortable. They were both aware of their company and how
natural it became to be by each others’ side.
This was not surprising to him, but he wondered if she felt the
same. They were caught observing the
lines under and around each others’ eyes when she finally asked, “why can’t we just go back to being like what
we used to be?”
He looked into her eyes with a
perplexed stare. She did not want to be
committed to him anymore, and yet she wanted to stay with him. Silence had muted their speech for what felt
like fifty long uncomfortable seconds.
He knew his frustration would get the best of his lyrics if he did not
find a way to paralyze all anger and verbalize his diction in a mature and
peaceful manner.
“You mean before we decided to give us a chance?” he finally asked;
a hint of sarcasm was heard in his tone.
“You mean before we decided that a
year had been enough and that it was time to stop playing games and make a
commitment of fidelity toward one another?”
He pondered if she understood him.
She sat there with her eyes stuck to the ground, but it was not shame
that overtook her body language. He
continued, “you mean before I made you
realize that I was more than just a toy and you realized that we were meant to
be?” This was too much and it almost
sounded conceited, he thought, but he needed to say it.
“In a way,” she began, “what I
mean is that I want us to go back to how we were…no commitments, just two souls
learning from one another.”
“What’s the point?” He insisted.
Although her suggestion made sense to him and the notion of liberty of
exploration enticed him, he knew that they were not strangers any longer. He grew to be confused by her request, but
only because he could not understand what it was about him that she did not
want to live with.
“Why are we going backwards when we should be moving forward?” He asked but he worried that she would still
refuse to comprehend his question. Why
was she so intrigued by him, so hurt by him, and why was she so comfortable
around him? Why did she want to be by
his side and yet not be with him?
She stayed as silent as the
night. Even crickets sleep at dawn. But time did not prevent him from further
probing to find an answer to what seemed so ludicrous a request on her part.
Her silence made him
uncomfortable.
“I trusted you,” he began, “and
you robbed me of my heart’s dreams and desires because you feared fighting for
something that could have been so good.”
He noticed, by her body language, that his words were stabbing at her,
but he could not stop; though he refurbished his words to avoid conflict. “I
understand what you mean by going back to how it was. I agree that it was, perhaps, the most
magical of times for both of us; however, you know that I had always loved you
and wanted more.” A tear threatened
to escape his eye, matching the ones that already dripped from the corners of
her green emeralds. He pondered if he
had the strength to continue with his words, wondering if they were too
accusatory for the moment. It was too
late now to pretend that this was not an issue.
“I understand,” she finally answered. And with her final sigh, she exited the car
once more. The role had been played in
his mind too often that it became a simple déjà vu. It was no longer surreal.
He wondered if that would be the
last time that he would ever see her again.
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